August 27th, 2008
“Son of a bitch, you’re running up the meter!”22 comments
August 20th, 2008
"Hey bro, remember me? You wrote that story about me in the paper."3 comments
August 13th, 2008
“It’s the Californians, man, the Californians are the worst.”14 comments
August 6th, 2008
The middle-aged man I picked up at Vendetta is in a hyperactively verbose lather ...0 comments
July 23rd, 2008
When I step into the obese old woman's apartment5 comments
July 16th, 2008
The obese old woman at Fred Meyer has a bad hip and a wheelchair...8 comments
July 9th, 2008
“...I need to take a shower first and wash all of this blood off.”6 comments
July 2nd, 2008
“So I’ve got these two women in the back of my cab who just refuse to get out...”8 comments
June 25th, 2008
“My friend’s getting divorced, and he’s really drunk,” says the bartender...8 comments
June 18th, 2008
There’s nothing like a good Friday night, and I’m referring to the money.3 comments
[May 7th, 2008]
I’ve had this stooped old alcoholic once before. He did a header in the Safeway parking lot—falling down drunk at 6 pm on a Tuesday. There’s a bouncer thankfully helping him out of the bar on this night. “Take me to where them racehorses is,” he grumbles in a low and guttural voice.
“Portland Meadows?” I ask him. It’s 11 pm; the track is long closed.
“I’m going to the house across the street from the racetrack,” he snarls. “I only got seven dollars.” That’s about how much the trip will cost anyway, so I tell him it’s not a problem.
He insists on giving me directions each step of the way, his breath stale and foul in the seat next to me. “I been at the hospital,” he says. In the interest of making conversation, I ask him which one.
He mumbles something about Emanuel being closed, that he was at the hospital up on that hill.
“OHSU?” I ask.
“The one up on the hill,” he says.
“The V.A.?”
“Thing’s on a hill, I don’t ask questions,” he snaps, and he clearly feels that I should adopt the same policy.
We pull into his dimly lit driveway, and when I grasp his hand to help him out of the cab, the callouses scratch my fingers. An overweight woman smoking a cigarette emerges from the dark and wordlessly ushers my charge toward a tool shed. I observe my new policy, get in the car, and drive off.
RECENT COMMENTS ON “I’ve had this stooped old alcoholic once before.”
"Thing's on a hill. I don't ask questions .... feels that I should adopt the same policy." That para cracked me up. Funny is not boring.
Hey, Jesus says you're boring, NC3 -- doesn't that mean you should hang it up? If the Son of God is on critic patrol, you know, it could be that continuing to write the awesome columns you write coul...
His Name's Obama something ... He'll unite us all. I don't ask questions.
I'll walk with Jesus. I mean the proof is right in front of you, 5 comments in 3 days=BORING. How's bout some substance NC! You have accepted an international responsabilty here!









